Matrescence coaching
What is matrescence coaching?
Matrescence coaching is a new practice. Its existence speaks to the hugely changing landscape in which our generation is mothering. Historically we would have been surrounded by the work of motherhood. We would have seen our mothers, our sisters, our friends' births and how they tended to their children. However, now, mothering largely takes place behind closed doors. The village is at work and/or miles away so our support networks are unrecognisable from the ones our mothers, grandmothers and great grandmothers would have had.
This change in how we live can mean that mothering is a huge shock. Something we feel completely shaken by. ‘Why didn’t anyone tell me?’. Lots of mothers are finding this process lonely, confusing and a big shake to their confidence. A huge gulf has appeared. One that used to be filled with warm women, elders, family, friends, gently guiding you through this process. Holding your hand while you heal and adjust. Without this support it is hard, impossible at times.
Matrescence coaching is one way in which we are now filling that gulf. It is dedicated time for you to reflect on how you are feeling as you navigate through this monumental transition that is becoming a mother. Everybody's coaching journey will be unique, different things will be important to different people.
For some women it's having space to explore the differences between the fantasy mother they thought they would be and the real life mother they actually are and finding peace with that. For others it's about accepting their story, their birth, their feeding journey, their real life relationship with their child. It can be about work, balancing work and mothering is still a relatively new practice, figuring out what works best for your family and feeling secure in your choices can be a helpful area of exploration. It can also be about your nervous system, your resilience, your ability to resource yourself, getting enough rest and nourishment to be able to operate from a healthy and balanced place.
It can be all of the above and none of the above. It is dedicated time for you to explore your stories, your path and the things that you need. It is completely bespoke and especially for you and your experience.
If you’d like to explore how it could support you, the easiest thing is to book a short chat. Or you can drop me an email if you would prefer.
What matrescence coaching is not (or shouldn’t be!)...
‘I did it, so you can too.’ Let me show you my magic formula.
No. This is wrong.
It’s wrong because CONTEXT is everything. Your life, your experience, your support network, your mental health, your resilience, your journey to pregnancy, the things that matter to you, your partner (or not), your work, your financial circumstances, your housing, where you live, your health…
We are all unique. What will work well for one person, will not work for another. This is true for you and your baby.
Because someone has crafted a beautiful path through their matrescence, does not automatically mean they can do the same for you.
This is often the source of much frustration, comparison and ultimately distress.
I believe the most helpful thing is someone who understands the process, can provide relevant and helpful information and give you the reflective space to figure out what matters most to you. To help you to craft your path, with the things that matter most to you.
What are the benefits of matrescence coaching?
Clearing the noise about what society thinks a good mother is, examining some of the stories we might be carrying and choosing the parent you actually want to be.
Most of us will have a strong image of the mother we imagine we will become. We will also carry a strong image of who our child will be and our relationship with them. Birth is complex for lots of reasons. One of the complex things that we have to navigate after our birth is meeting the real version of ourselves as a mother and the real human that is our child. Rarely (if ever) are these two versions aligned. So finding acceptance and enjoying the real life version of you and your child is a huge part of this work.
Feeling seen, knowing that what you are experiencing happens to other women, knowing that you aren’t alone.
Becoming a mother will change everything for you. There will be physical change, huge emotional change and social change. Your life is forever different now. There is no bouncing back. There is no back. Only through. It is often a messy, complicated and difficult transition. Having support and understanding the process can be very, very helpful.
Getting clear on how you want your life to look.
Your life will look very different from other peoples. Your values will be different. Your support network will be different. Your career and industry will be different. What parenting means with your life and your circumstances will be different. Coaching can help you to reflect on what suits you best.
Feeling calmer, more at peace and more grounded.
This phase of life can be jolly hard. For most of us it is exhausting, overwhelming and difficult. It can put us (and our bodies) under a monumental amount of stress. Anxiety can feature in a big way too. Coaching can help you to find the best tools and strategies to support you as you move through this.
You get the space to explore the type of mother you would like to be.
Parenting can bring up lots of issues from our own childhood. You can come face to face with decisions that your parents made. Often we know what we don’t want. What we do actually want can be harder to define. Especially when we realise that the cultural motherhood model isn’t realistic for one human being to achieve.
Time to reflect on your relationships, being curious about what and who is supporting you and where you might need things to feel a little different.
It is a safe and non-judgemental space to explore and process your experiences as a new parent.
Finding the right coach for you?
Finding the right person is really important.
Coach is a title that anyone can hold. It isn’t a protected title and there aren’t many large scale businesses that offer coaching, so it’s an industry of mainly self selected individuals. This means there is no regulation, at all.
Having been in the coaching industry for a good few years, I would look for humans who have good reviews, who can demonstrate a good knowledge in their chosen field. Who you would trust and feel safe with.
Almost every coach will offer some sort of free chat. Use these. Book a few. Speak to people, notice how you feel talking with them, how you feel afterwards. I’m always happy to chat and there is never any pressure to book anything further with me. Happy to recommend people as well.
Booking a Zoom date isn’t always practical or easy for lots of reasons. Some people choose to chat via WhatsApp.
How long does matrescence coaching last ?
Your journey will be completely unique. You might dip in for one session of coaching and get everything you need. You might have two sessions a month for a few months. Most people are somewhere in between.
Coaching is about space and reflection so you can think about you. This is about you getting the support you need.
If you are looking for something that isn’t bespoke, you could get an awful lot of support from books and/or podcasts. Drop me a note if you’d like some recommendations on a specific topic.
How much does matrescence coaching cost?
Coaching with me costs £85 per hour. Or you can book a month long package which includes two sessions within a four week timescale, this is a cheaper option (per session) and costs £111.
Investing in yourself can feel difficult, especially when on a reduced wage because of maternity leave and/or childcare costs. However you matter.
This is your space to think about your well-being, your self-awareness and your relationships. This period of change can bring lots of transformation, having someone by your side as you navigate these changes is really valuable.
How do I find the time for coaching as a new mother?
You are very welcome to bring your baby to a session. I’ll always have contingency time, so if feeding, rocking, changing, tending time is required mid session we’ve got extra time at the end.
If possible, I would recommend seeking some support so you can have some time to yourself. While you are with your baby, at least some (if not most) of your attention will be on tending to them. This is about you having some space to tend to you.
Lots of mothers in the early stage (first six months ish) will often have hybrid strategy, they enlist a stand-by person. This works really well, so the baby is with them and if/when they need something, a partner, friend, sister, mother (granny), steps in and takes the baby for a while. Often staying in the house but in a separate room.
Should I invest in coaching as a new mother?
There is so much change in early motherhood, so little reflection time and lots to process. Birth, feeding, meeting your baby, how your partner (if you have one) is adjusting…
Coaching gives you the space to process all of these huge feelings and transitions and to focus on you. Your relationships, how you are feeling. Often everyone's attention , medical professionals, friends, family is on the baby. Your focus is often on the baby too.
My job is to give you space for you.